Linda L.

Roanoke, VA, USA

Practice radical acceptance and self-validation to move beyond forced positivity and find genuine healing.

English

I'm so glad you're here! This guided meditation will take you through the therapeutic concept of radical acceptance, how it's different than forced positivity, and how it's connected to validation and emotions. You'll be guided through a practice of gently checking in with thoughts, emotions, and body sensations that come up while letting yourself experience radical acceptance, versus when you're forced to perform positivity. Mental health tips are shared throughout the meditation, along with realistic affirmations based on psychology and neuroplasticity.

Embody Radical Acceptance For Self Compassion And Healing

Thank you so much for being here today. I'm really, really glad that you're here, and I just want to take a really quick moment to appreciate the fact that you are showing up for yourself today. I think that's really awesome. Today I'm talking about the idea of radical acceptance. Radical acceptance versus forced positivity, or what sometimes people call toxic positivity. What do the differences mean to our lives, and how does it tie into validation and emotions? Validation and emotions with ourselves and with each other. After that, I'll guide you through a gentle practice of what this can look like or feel like internally. I will be inviting you to take a few deep breaths. If that is not your thing, that's totally okay. You could just ignore it and continue to breathe as you typically would. There's no right or wrong way to breathe here. On that note, I will invite you to take a deep breath. This is something that can help refocus your attention and gear up your mind, body, and your nervous system to get into a state of relaxation while also being conscious. Taking a deep breath in, and out and in and out. You can take a deep breath in, and you can let it out. As long as your exhales are a bit longer than your inhales, you are sending signals to your nervous system and your body that you're safe and that you're open for something. Maybe it's feelings, maybe it's an idea, but ready for something, ready to listen, ready to intentionally check in. Whether you're walking around right now, maybe you're laying down with your eyes closed, maybe you're just doing some work and want to have this on in the background, that's perfectly okay. What's important is that you are showing up for yourself right now. So what is radical acceptance? Well, let's start by talking about what it's not. Toxic positivity, or I like to call it forced positivity. It just makes more sense to me. Forced positivity is when we have to force ourselves to appear positive. It's not that we actually feel positive inside, but we are either with a person or in a space where we can't truly show up as our true selves, with our true emotional experiences and all their complexities. So we have to appear positive. And what I hear from a lot of people that I work with is that this can be exhausting. This feels like a mask. It can feel draining. So I think we all know what that feels like, to be in those spaces. And now, thinking about radical acceptance, radical acceptance says, actually, things are bad. Actually, things are so bad, and I'm not okay with it. Things are bad. This is bad. This is hard. This is painful. This is scary. This is traumatizing. And it's not fair, and it's not right. And radical acceptance says, these things are so true and so not okay. So now what? Radical acceptance says, how can I make this 1% less miserable for me right now? And why do we think that? Why do we do it? Is it because we're selfish? Well, no. It's because we deserve relief. We deserve to feel relief from the pain that we're experiencing. So radical acceptance is not, I'm accepting what's happening, and I'm okay with it and complacent. Radical acceptance means, I believe this. I believe myself so much that I'm going to do something about it, or I'm going to rest, because we probably need it. So instead of invalidating our very real emotions and pain, instead of invalidating it and pretending it's not there and pretending like everything is happy, radical acceptance is saying, no. I am so aware of this, and I understand that it's not okay. And that leads to validation. And validation is what actually allows our nervous systems to put down some of its defenses. Its only job is to keep us alive and safe. It doesn't care about keeping us feeling good or happy. It just has to keep us alive. That's its only job. So when somebody validates us, or we validate ourself, it allows our nervous system to chill out a little bit. It's like a key that allows us to actually hear one another. Like thinking about when somebody tries to jump in and problem solve when we're expressing our feelings to them. We just want someone to say, yeah, that sucks. I'm here with you. But somebody jumps into problem solving, and sometimes that's helpful. Sometimes we do need that. But a lot of the time, we just need somebody to sit with us in it. But think about it. That's harder, right? It's harder to sit and watch somebody that we love and care about not be okay and be in pain. It's so hard. And we want to take it away from them. We don't want them to have to feel that because we love them and care about them. But what's actually happening is that we're uncomfortable by the pain. Their discomfort and their pain makes us uncomfortable. And it's not easy. It's extremely difficult to tolerate that discomfort. And especially if we've been chronically emotionally invalidated in our lives, and then in turn started doing it to ourselves, or that became one of our voices or our parts, it's going to feel extremely uncomfortable to start to do this, to start to validate yourself. And validating yourself is such a big part of radical acceptance because you have to believe your pain. And that's new for a lot of us. And that's okay. We just have to keep practicing. You're literally rewiring your brain through neuroplasticity. Like, this is a lot of work. It's not about being perfect. It's just about being intentional and then reflecting without judgment. Forced positivity says, my boss was so rude to me and it was so frustrating, but I'm just lucky to even have this job and I just need to suck it up. Radical acceptance says, my boss was so rude to me and it was really upsetting and frustrating. And it's even more frustrating because I really need this job. Who can I look to for support right now? Where can I delegate? Where can I rest? What can I cancel? What can I add? Forced positivity says, other people have it so much harder and I just need to be grateful. I have nothing to complain about. Radical acceptance says, my pain's real. It's real to my nervous system. It's real to my subconscious. It's real to my body. And even if I'm not cognitively ready to validate myself, I am still experiencing those emotions. And since I'm experiencing those emotions like a human, like a human being with no feelings, I deserve to feel better. Because I'm here. And just because I'm here. Just because I'm a person, I don't have to do anything to earn it. I just have to be here. So what can I do today? What can I do right now? Maybe I can check in with a friend. Maybe I'll send that text that I've been putting off, even though I really want to talk to them. Maybe it's going to be finally brushing my teeth, showering. Maybe it's just resting. Maybe it's meditations or videos or TV shows that we used to watch as kids. It's up to you. Radical acceptance gives us back control. It gives us a chance, even when things feel hopeless. Now that we've talked about the basics, I'm going to guide you through a really simple practice of considering where these concepts come up in your life. And by concepts, I mean validation, emotions, and of course, radical acceptance. So you're welcome to show up for this practice however feels right for you today. So if you want to get out a journal, if you want to be able to type some of your thoughts that come up, or if you'd rather just lay with your eyes closed, that's perfectly okay. Some people are able to visualize really easily in what some people call the mind's eye. And if that's how your brain and body work, feel free to focus on visual sensations and any images that you receive. Others may focus more heavily on what some call an inner monologue or an inner dialogue. It doesn't necessarily mean it's one singular voice. We can have multiple voices or parts that come up. We don't have to take all of them seriously, but typically there is value in acknowledging them. The more that we listen to the parts, the less they yell at us when we're trying to relax or get things done. If you're like me and you have a fantasia, meaning that you actually can't visualize in your mind's eye, feel free to focus more on the experience, other sensations. This can mean feelings that come up in the body. This might mean sensations, smells, could even be textures or tastes for some of us. But above all, no matter how your brain works, no matter how you experience this, I want you to focus on less thinking, less creating, less wondering, and more observing. So what is coming up naturally? And if it's still confusing to tell what parts are your core self, what parts are protector parts, that's perfectly okay. This is hard and you're figuring it out as you go. That's the only way. It's trial and error. So let's get started by taking a deep breath in. And if it feels right, take an extra sip at the top of the breath or hold it for a second or two. However you want to breathe is perfectly fine. You're showing up exactly right. And if you haven't already, go ahead and let that breath out. Good job. One more breath in. Hold it if that feels right. And let it out. So I want you to start to consider where in your life is positivity forced? What areas of your life is that forced positivity rewarded? Where is it encouraged? Maybe it's in relationships. Maybe it's at certain jobs that we have. Maybe it's at school. Where are those spaces? What do those spaces look like in your life? I just want you to consider for a few seconds. And now I want you to start to consider what is it like for you in those spaces. So how do you feel? What thoughts come up? What emotions are you having? What body sensations? What about when you leave them? Do you feel energized? Do you feel hopeful? Drained? Exhausted? Are there images that come to mind when you think about these spaces? Are there colors? Is it bright? Is it too bright? Is it too mundane? Are there only grays? What about the sounds? Is it loud? Is it quiet? Are there no sounds? Are there smells? Are there tastes? And how aware of your body sensations are you in this space? Are you more in a fight or flight response? Are you in a fawn response? Meaning that you may be what some people call people-pleasing? Do you feel like you're on autopilot? Are you even aware of your body sensations? How would you know if you were hungry? Would you know? Would you know if you were thirsty? What is it like to be in these spaces? And then I want you to think about what kind of toll could this be taking on your heart? What is it like to have to show up and force this positivity? Maybe it's every day. Maybe you're not even getting a break. And as you're considering the toll that this might take on you, I want you to think about how often you're in these spaces. How often do you have to perform it this way? And I'll give you a few seconds just to sit in those sensations. Those thoughts, those feelings. We won't be exploring them for much longer, so see what comes up for you right now. Good job. You're doing a really good job. And I want you to take these last few moments in this space to take a deep breath. And we're going to clear out all of these thoughts, feelings, sensations. And in order to do this, you might be visualizing. You might just be imagining the energy. Maybe you're focusing the energy. But take a deep breath in. And I want you to imagine that all of those thoughts, sensations, everything that just came up, you're breathing it in. And you're breathing it in from the very bottom of your body to the very top of your body. And as that breath comes all the way in, we're going to hold it at the top just for a second. And as you let it out, you're going to imagine everything flowing out of you from the very top of your head to the very tips of your toes or your legs or whatever the bottom half of your body looks like. Good job. I know it's not easy. Now that we've cleared out that energy, I want you to consider a different type of space. And this type of space is one where you don't have to pretend to be happy. You don't have to force anything. In fact, you're allowed to just feel whatever comes up. You can cry. You can yell. You can punch pillows. You can let out your anger and safe weights and not be judged for it. Where do you feel safe to cry? And if this doesn't sound like something that is realistic for you, or it's not something that you've built yet, maybe you don't have safe people or safe spaces, that's absolutely okay. These kinds of things take a long time. Some parts can be quicker, some parts are faster, but this is a lifelong process. And if this is something that you've noticed, that there aren't many safe spaces for you to be your true self, being aware of that is the absolute first step of ever making any change or ever having anything different. So if that's something that you are still working on, even if you're still working on feeling safe alone in your emotions, I want you to take this time to consider what it might be like to have those spaces. Maybe you can pull on memories from years ago. Maybe you can pull on hopes or dreams that you have for yourself in the future. But what would it be like to be surrounded in your own truth and your own realness? So imagining these spaces that you do have, or that you're working towards, who are you with? What's going on? Are there colors? Are there bright colors? Are there dull colors? Are there sounds? Are there smells? Are there tastes? How aware of the body sensations are you? Are you more aware of what you're doing? Are you acting more intentionally? Do you feel less in survival mode? Would you notice if you were hungry or tired? And who's around you? Who's not around you? Who's not around you right now? Is there music playing? Is it silent? And what are you meeting in these basements? Are you free and moving around and dancing and jumping around? Or are you wrapped in somebody's arms? Are you wrapped in a weighted blanket? Are you rocking back and forth? Are you moving around in ways that you haven't in a long time? Sit in the space and explore for a few seconds what it's like in the space. How do you feel in these spaces? Do you feel differently? Do you feel lighter? Maybe you feel heavier. Maybe you feel more grounded even. What was it like with your body and what was your relationship to your body sensations? Were you judging yourself for feeling guilty or angry? There's no right or wrong. Just consider what it was like. And we can take another deep breath and just try to absorb this energy into our whole body. So breathing all the way to the top of our bodies, the tip of our heads, out to where our body is. And as we start to think about wrapping up this meditation, I want you to really think about and consider the differences in those two spaces. And I want you to give yourself grace because think about how difficult it must be for your system, your body, your mind, to be forced into the spaces where you can't be your true self. And you can't access your real feelings because you have to mask or you have to pretend that things are okay for somebody else's benefit. It's exhausting and it's draining. And since so many of us are forced to be in these spaces, in different parts of our lives, it means we have to validate ourselves, even though it's difficult. And I'm not saying it's that easy. It's not that simple. It's going to take time. But learning to validate ourselves is the only way those parts of ourselves can feel safe and feel like they deserve to be heard. And when they feel like they deserve to be heard and they are heard, they quiet down and they stop coming up at the worst times possible to yell at us. We really don't have control over so many of these outside spaces that we're in. The relationships, the people that we're around, we have some control, but to a certain extent, we don't have control. And so by focusing our control on the one thing that we can work to have more direction over, we can show up for ourselves. We're radically accepting our experiences, not because it's okay or because we are complicit in it and we're giving up, but because accepting radically what's happening is the first step to being able to actually make a change. And maybe the change is just taking an extra second to check in with ourselves that day or resting. The change can be simple, but it's taking agency over ourselves in a world where we have so little control over what's happening. So start to wake yourself up, move your body around. If it feels right, you can wiggle your toes. You can give yourself a little squeeze on your arms or maybe on your neck or back, wherever it feels right. Just kind of see what feels good for your body. You can blink your eyes if it feels right. Stretch. And lastly, you're going to give yourself so much permission to do this imperfectly. It's going to feel weird at first to validate yourself when you've been chronically invalidated. It's going to feel brand new and it might even feel scary or bad. That's okay. It's going to be worth it because you're worth it. And you deserve to feel validated. You deserve to feel safe in your emotions. You're going to take it one day at time. You're going to take it one hour at a time, one minute at a time if that's too difficult, and sometimes it is. And thank yourself for the fact that you showed up today, the fact that you're here, and the fact that you made it all the way to the end of this meditation is so much proof that you are showing up for yourself. And I think that's really, really cool. Take as long as you want in this space or feel free to start to move on with your day. I can't thank you enough for listening and being here. And I'm really, really glad that you're alive.