Soothe yourself with compassion and deep breathing to release judgment and reset after hair pulling.

English

This meditation is for the moments after a hair pulling episode. Together, we will gently create space for self-compassion and set aside judgement. From there, we will practice extending care to others, and even the part of us that pulls. As we soften the voice of our inner critic, we may begin to notice our feelings shift from blame to understanding, helping us strengthen the capacity to meet future urges with less judgment and more kindness.

Going With The Flow For Hair Pulling

Hello, and welcome to this meditation for hair pulling. This meditation is designed to be used after you've pulled your hair when you may be in need of support and comfort. You can do this meditation sitting or lying down, or you can just listen as you're going about your day. So you've pulled your hair out. Now what? The most important thing you can do right now is try to soften and show yourself compassion. For most people with hair pulling, a goal of not pulling any hair at all is unrealistic, so there will likely be times when you do end up pulling. There are several goals for this guided meditation. I invite you to reflect and learn from your experience while practicing self-compassion. We'll also identify any feelings like shame or guilt that are often present, promote neutrality towards the behavior, and provide a different, more supportive narrative. This meditation can also be used to help you reset. Remember, at any moment in your day, you can choose to start over with a fresh perspective and new wisdom. Let's start by taking a deep breath in, and let it out. Settle into your space. Relax your shoulders and your jaw. Notice any tension, and relax those areas as well. You're probably listening to this meditation because you want to change or stop your hair pulling. Consider, then, that change or developing any new pattern takes lots of practice and is usually very gradual. If you're feeling impatient or rushed about change, ask yourself if there's any space to slow down and participate in the journey. The practice to change any behavior is similar to the process of developing a muscle. Just as you would expect strengthening a muscle or group of muscles would involve weeks or months of regular practice, so does changing hair pulling. Change is hard, and it takes time, often more time than we would like. We can soften this truth by choosing to view these moments as learning opportunities rather than failures. Using the muscle metaphor again, think of you showing up to do this meditation right now as doing a rep for a muscle. Each time you show up for yourself like this is an opportunity to build new patterns or metaphorical muscles to help change your hair pulling. The goal is not to be perfect, or to never mess up. The goal is to keep learning and growing as a person. So ask yourself, what can I learn from this? Notice what feelings are coming up for you right now. Are you feeling guilt, shame, or embarrassment? Maybe frustration or anger? What about compassion or curiosity? Is there any room for those? Hair pulling often brings up a lot of uncomfortable emotions and self-criticism. If you're experiencing any of this, know that it's normal, and ask yourself if you can set any judgment aside. Can you allow it to be there without it being the main focus? Even for a moment. Now I invite you to see if there's any room for self-compassion. Are you able to extend some warmth or kindness to yourself in this moment? It may be helpful to consider that your hair pulling served a purpose. It met a need. You received some kind of benefit from it. Even if the effect is frustrating or unwanted, the intention of the behavior was likely to help soothe you when you were feeling out of balance. Sometimes you might end up hair pulling out of habit, or simply from muscle memory. Your brain knows this behavior well. It feels familiar, comfortable. Change requires effort, and maybe your attention was focused on something else. Whatever the reason, you have the opportunity right now to start over and try again. Now, how do you feel in your body? How does your skin feel where you were pulling? Is there any pain? Are there muscles that ache? How does your heart or breathing feel in your chest? Can you feel your feet or your body being supported by the earth beneath you? Just take a moment to notice any sensations you may be experiencing right now. Now I'm going to guide you through a breathing technique called 4-7-8 breathing that can help you transition from stress to rest mode. The great thing about this practice is that it leads to physical changes in your body, slowing your heart and lowering your blood pressure, which promotes relaxation. For this method, we're going to breathe in for a count of 4, hold for a count of 7, and exhale for a count of 8. I'll guide you. Take in a breath and let it out. And then inhale, 2, 3, 4. Hold, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7. Exhale, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8. Inhale, 2, 3, 4. Hold, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7. Exhale, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8. Inhale, 2, 3, 4. Hold, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7. Exhale, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8. Inhale, 2, 3, 4. Hold, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7. Exhale, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8. Inhale, 2, 3, 4. Hold, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7. Exhale, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8. Good. Now take in a regular breath and let it out. The value of this technique is in the exhale being longer than the inhale. And some people find that the count is too distracting. So let's go through some rounds without counting. I'll guide you. Inhale. Hold. Hold. Long exhale. Inhale. Hold. Long exhale. Inhale. Hold. Hold. Long exhale. Inhale. Hold. Long exhale. Inhale. Hold. Hold. Long exhale. Good. Now take in a regular breath and let it out. Now that your body has started to relax, check again to see if there's any judgment present. If so, can you try to set this judgment aside now? You may find that the answer is different from when we started. Is there any room for compassion towards yourself at this time? Is there any space to see your hair pulling as an effective coping tool but one that you'd like to exchange for something else? Or maybe a misguided friend who was trying to help you feel better but gave you bad advice. If you can't feel self-compassion right now, imagine feeling compassion towards someone you care about and sit with that feeling for a moment. Can you forgive yourself for hair pulling, when a part of you needed soothing but other parts didn't want this? If you can't forgive yourself right now, imagine for a moment what it would feel like to forgive a loved one when they've made a mistake and sit with that feeling for a moment. If you find that it's too difficult to set aside judgment or extend self-compassion, that's okay. You can try again another time. You may find that you have to try this several times before you feel any different or that your response varies from day to day. Remember, change takes time and patience. Maybe one day you'll even be able to thank or show appreciation towards your hair pulling for jumping in to help you regulate. I'd like to guide you through one more mini practice called metta or loving-kindness meditation, and we'll do a variation of this specific to hair pulling. For this practice, I'll say a few statements and I invite you to repeat them to yourself, either out loud or in your head, whichever feels right to you. The first statements are directed towards yourself. May I be happy. May I be well. May I be free from suffering. May I be at peace. May I be happy. May I be well. May I be free from suffering. May I be at peace. May I be happy. May I be well. May I be free from suffering. May I be at peace. Now bring to mind someone you love, such as a person, pet, or other being, and direct these words toward them in your mind. May you be happy. May you be well. May you be free from suffering. May you be at peace. May you be happy. May you be well. May you be free from suffering. May you be at peace. May you be happy. May you be well. May you be free from suffering. May you be at peace. Now bring to mind your hair pulling, and direct these words towards it. May you be happy. May you be well. May you be free from suffering. May you be at peace. May you be happy. May you be well. May you be free from suffering. May you be at peace. May you be happy. May you be well. May you be free from suffering. May you be at peace. Lastly, repeat these words while directing them to all beings in the world. May you be happy. May you be well. May you be free from suffering. May you be at peace. May you be happy. May you be well. May you be free from suffering. May you be at peace. May you be happy. May you be well. May you be free from suffering. May you be at peace. Finally, let's choose a mantra to guide you for the rest of your day. You may choose something like, I am kind to myself, or I am patient with change, or any other statement that resonates with you. Choose a statement and repeat it as often as you wish throughout the day. Now I invite you to celebrate yourself for doing this practice today, especially if it was difficult for you. Take a moment to notice how you feel. How is it different from when you started? Do you feel more relaxed? Do you notice a softening of judgment? Do you have any more compassion towards yourself? You can come back to this meditation anytime you notice frustration or negative feelings towards yourself. The more regularly you can return to this practice, the more helpful you will find it. May you be good company to yourself today.