Amelia

North Carolina, USA

Alexandra Knight

Steve

NY, USA

Caitlin

Detroit, MI, USA

Anthony Pater

Hollidaysburg PA

English

This meditation begins with a brief talk about Internal Family Systems, followed by a meditation to help you get to know a protector part. If you’re new to IFS, this is a great starting point, and if you’re experienced with IFS, the meditation portion offers helpful guidance with minimal talking to distract you. I have also posted a version without the beginning talk for anyone who would like to jump right into the internal work. 

This meditation is designed to offer guidance with ample space for self discovery. There are multiple periods of silence to allow you to connect with your own internal world.

IFS Understanding A Protector Part - Talk And Meditation

 Hello, and thank you for joining me. This recording is a brief talk about Internal Family Systems, or IFS, followed by a meditation to help you get to know a part of you that's trying to protect you in some way. Experience with IFS is not necessary for you to participate in the meditation. This work is intuitive, and if you come with an open mind and an open heart, your body will speak to you exactly how it needs to. IFS was devised by Dr. Richard Schwartz and is based on the concept that, as we grow and experience life, we develop sub-personalities, or parts, which work together within our minds much like a family system. Similar to external family systems, each part has its own personality, role, and purpose within our unique system. Our parts often talk with one another, either in support of and in alliance with, or in direct opposition to each other. Each of us has many parts within. In fact, you've probably already experienced your parts many times in your life without even realizing it. You've probably said something like, well, part of me feels this way, but another part of me feels this way. That's just one example of how your parts give you their respective opinions about something. According to IFS, the parts within us are broken down into three categories, exiles, managers, and firefighters. Exiles are the most vulnerable parts within our system. These parts are often very young and carry heavy burdens of fear, pain, and shame. These parts usually arise from trauma. This doesn't have to be big T trauma, it certainly can be, and anyone who has experienced big traumas knows the lifelong impact they can have on us. But exiles can be formed from little t's too. Trauma in this case is any time we felt an intense or overwhelming emotion and were alone and unable to regulate our emotions on our own. Exiles are the parts of us who still feel these deep emotions. Managers are the parts that keep us safe and functioning well. They help us to be reliable, organized, disciplined, and much more. These parts help create valuable employees, stellar students, conscientious neighbors, and so much more. Firefighters are the ultimate protectors of our exiles. These parts come to the rescue when feelings of pain, shame, or fear are triggered. They act swiftly to eradicate the pain in order to keep the exile safe. Firefighters often manifest in the form of substance abuse, disordered eating, and other forms of addiction and avoidant behavior. Managers and firefighters are both protectors of our exiles. They are both here with the intention of keeping us safe from whatever they perceive as potentially harmful. And both managers and firefighters can indeed be very helpful when moderated. It's when they take over and get too big that they begin to interfere with our functioning more than help with it. When we are struggling with thoughts, behaviors, or emotions that are interfering in our lives, we often try to rationalize with ourselves to change our ways. But the origins or parts underneath these thoughts, behaviors, and emotions are usually very young and inexperienced. And so even the most logical arguments are ineffective at creating real change because we're not actually working with logical adult processing. We're dealing with inner children who need compassionate guidance. This is where the last very vital piece to IFS comes into play. The concept of self. Self is spelled with a capital S and is our core being. Some people call it soul or essence. It is our internal wise compass that leads with benevolence. Self is categorized by eight Cs, compassion, creativity, curiosity, confidence, courage, calm, connectedness, and clarity. And four Ps, presence, persistence, perspective, and playfulness. You don't need to memorize those. Just remember that self feels expansive and compassionate and has the ability to be present and to guide with love and grace. It's important to know that IFS work doesn't aim to eradicate the parts of us that feel difficult, but rather aims to acknowledge and nurture these parts. IFS maintains that all of our parts are inherently good and have positive intentions. They may just need the loving guidance of self energy to help them express themselves in healthy ways. When we take the time to listen to the needs and concerns of our parts from the mature and loving energy of self, we essentially reparent ourselves by offering the wisdom we have accumulated throughout our lives to the smallest, most vulnerable parts of us. When these parts feel heard and safe, they relax and the interference in our lives subsides. IFS work is an ongoing process of finding our parts, getting to know them, and then meeting their needs, which are truly our deepest needs. If you would like to know more about IFS, I recommend starting with the book, No Bad Parts by Richard Schwartz. If it's available to you, the audio version lets you listen to the book's exercises, which I find is much easier than reading them and self-guiding. And so if you're ready, I would like to offer you an IFS-based meditation designed to help you get to know one of your protectors. As I extend questions for you to ask your protector part, I encourage you to allow the part to speak to you in its own unique way. Instead of thinking the answers that make logical sense to you, simply sit with an open heart and be curious about what arises. Communication may come in the form of words, images or memories, or as colors or textures or song lyrics, or any other number of ways. Try not to figure anything out or to judge what shows up. There's no right or wrong way to do this work, and it doesn't have to come neatly together right now. Often we have to sit more than once to really get to know our parts. When we drop our ideas, agendas, and attachments to specific outcomes, we create a space that is safe and that fosters better and more sincere connections with our deepest inner needs. And that is where the magic lies. Let's start by grounding ourselves in the present moment. Begin by taking some deep, slow breaths and relaxing into the body, noticing your weight against whatever is beneath you, safely held by gravity. Relaxing the shoulders, unclenching the jaw, softening the brow. You might imagine as if your eyebrows could float apart towards your ears. And bringing awareness to the space between your body and the room around you. Notice if you are thinking or in any way trying to analyze or figure something out. And invite that part of you to relax right now and to just allow whatever arises to do so on its own terms. Consider dropping from thinking and into resting into the heart. If it helps, placing your attention on the heart space, feeling the heartbeat, and offering reassurance to yourself that you are safe right now. Then gently scanning the body and allowing your attention to focus on any sensations in or around your body that stand out for you. If any distractions arise, simply acknowledge them and then allow them to fall away. And continue to fine tune your attention on whatever area of your body is calling for your attention. As you focus, the sensation may intensify, and that's okay. If that happens, see if you can relax any urges to fight it or to repress it, and instead breathe into the space around it and allow it to exist and to be seen. Not doing anything with it, just noticing. Now noticing how you feel towards this sensation. Do you want it to go away? Are you clinging to it? Do you feel curious about it? If you feel anything other than curious or open, ask those parts or feelings if they would step aside for right now so that you can get a better understanding of this sensation or part that is seeking your attention. And then check again to see if you feel anything other than open and curious about the sensation that is showing up for you. If the feelings that are not open and curious won't budge, then just use the remainder of this meditation to focus on those thoughts or feelings. And if you do feel open and curious about the sensation you're focusing on, direct your questions to that part as we continue. Again, bringing your attention to the sensation that's asking for your attention. And then asking the sensation if there's anything it would like you to know. And then asking it to share how it is trying to help you or what it is trying to protect you from. And then asking this part, what is it afraid would happen if it didn't work so hard? And now holding what this part has expressed with openness and compassion, let this part know that its feelings are valid and that they make sense based on its experience. And then asking this part, what does it need from you right now or in the future to feel safe? And after it has expressed what it needs from you, let it know how you intend to honor those needs. How will you show up for this part as you move forward? And asking the part how it feels about what you have offered to do for it, and if it needs anything else from you to feel safe, invite it to express that need right now. And now allowing this part to have some time to express anything else it wants you to know. And then taking a moment to express sincere appreciation for how hard this part has been working in the past and currently, and for being willing to trust you and share its experiences and concerns with you today. And also let it know that you're not going to leave it alone. You will come back to talk to it again soon. As we prepare to end, I invite you to hold this part tenderly in your awareness as you move throughout your day. Notice if it continues to speak to you in the form of words or memories, body sensations or emotions. Pay attention to what situation seemed to bring it out and remember what it asked for as reassurance and what you offered to do for it. Honoring the interactions you have with your parts and returning to them to validate and reassure them will facilitate healing by establishing and building the trust between the part and self energy. Trust that you can and will show up for these vulnerable and tender parts within you and that they don't need to work so hard anymore. When your parts trust you to show up for them, they may still show up, but they will relax when attended to and they will allow you to live more and more in a place of balance instead of reactivity. Thank you so much for doing this work with me today. Sharing this space, even when it's virtual, is sacred. It's a privilege that I hold sincerely and tenderly within my own heart. And it's an honor to be invited into your inner world. From my heart to yours, light and love.