Janie Gill

England, UK

Janet A

Summerfield, FL 34491, USA

Navigate sudden feelings of loneliness by using your breath as a pattern interrupt and embracing powerful, self-affirming truths.

English

Have you ever been perfectly happy on your own… and then, seemingly out of nowhere, loneliness washes over you?
You can love your independence, enjoy your own company, and have a meaningful life - and still experience those unexpected moments when being alone suddenly feels very different.
If loneliness catches you off guard sometimes, this meditation is a reminder that you are not alone in that experience. Take a breath, settle in, and reconnect with that wonderfully independent part of yourself.
music by Piotr Witowski
photo by Elle takes photos

When Aloneness Suddenly Feels Like Loneliness

Hi, I'm LisaJ. I want to thank you for choosing this meditation. for about the next 15 minutes or so. We will journey together through the quiet spaces of loneliness and aloneness. We're going to use the gentle rhythm of our breath. as well as three healing affirmations to help you through those times when loneliness seems to arrive out of nowhere. Before we begin, I want you to find a comfortable position. You can sit, lie down, or simply settle wherever you feel safe and supported. There's nothing that you need to accomplish here. Nothing to fix and definitely nothing to prove. I just want you to please give yourself permission to be exactly where you are in your life right now. This is a place of love and safety. Now, as I regularly invite you to do so, close your eyes if that feels comfortable. And together, we will take a slow, gentle breath in through the nose and slowly breathe out. Here we go. Breathe through the nose. and slowly breathe out. Let's do that again. Deeply and slowly breathe in. and even more slowly let your breath go. Return to your quiet, normal breathing. And we will do that together for about 20 seconds. Throughout this talk and meditation, please keep your eyes closed so that you do not have any visual distractions. If you're like me, unexpected feelings of loneliness or deep aloneness can be difficult to explain to someone else. When you try to do that, folks often sort of brush it off. And they will say things like, well, just give it more time. you will eventually feel better. or in this kind of the worst yet is, I'm sorry to hear that. which in its own way just makes you feel even more lonely. Explaining the experience of not loneliness, but the unexpected loneliness doesn't seem to have appropriate words. You can be in a relationship and feel unexpected loneliness in a way that's kind of the worst kind. at least to me. or if you have ended a friendship or a romantic relationship even if it's been just weeks or months or even many many years moments of loneliness will pop up out of nowhere You may be absolutely thriving on your own, loving your independence, having built a beautiful life for yourself, kind of like, look at me go, and then boom, out of nowhere, your powerful state of solitary aloneness suddenly tilts sideways into loneliness. It's inexplicable. And you feel as though you're on the outside looking in. or wait, even more accurate, here on the inside. looking out. Your body may tense up, your breathing will go shallow. You could feel a chill in your arms, maybe a catch in your throat. It's like you're trapped in an echo chamber of the thoughts in your brain. It's saying, what's happening here? I had it all together. Maybe I'm not worthy. All kinds of ideas will pop into your head. And that deep feeling of loneliness can be triggered by some of the most unexpected situations. In fact, let me share one of mine. And this is one that still can take me by surprise. So when I go to a restaurant to dine alone, and I love dining alone, I take a book, I enjoy myself, but sometimes a restaurant will actually turn me away because they do not want to give up an empty table for four people. to just one person. And it makes me feel so alone, like I'm not welcome there. And I look around and I see plenty of empty tables, but I go straight to my head. The loneliness sets in is why me? Why not me? What's wrong with me? or perhaps you're already dining alone. Loving that you do that. But all the tables around you are filled with people, groups of friends, and there's nonstop chatting and laughing together. There are families talking. Maybe there are couples leaning in towards each other. It's animated. It's joyous. It's intimate. It's alive. And yet there's a stark difference between you and your situation and what is happening around you. And man, it hits you deeply. You think, I'm alone and I feel lonely. And you know, it not only can happen around people that you don't know, that dark weight of loneliness can land on you when you are out and about with people you do know. You're with a group of friends, there's laughter, there's participation, and yet somehow you feel separate from them. Again, on the outside looking in or the inside looking out. And that particular kind of loneliness can be especially difficult because to them, you don't look lonely at all. You have that smile on your face. but you're doing that proverbial dog paddle, just trying to keep your head above water and survive the situation. Being a solitary person is a wonderful life change, but it does come with brief, heavy moments when it's not so wonderful. and when you experience those transitory dives into the deep, I want you to know something. There is nothing wrong with you. Feeling lonely is not a failure and it isn't proof that your life is empty. Feeling lonely doesn't mean you have somehow failed at being independent. It simply means you are human. And sometimes what we need most isn't another person to rescue us from loneliness. We need to lean into a pattern interrupt to turn off that echo chamber of our non-supportive thoughts. We must find a way to gently return to what makes us incredibly cool and unique. So let's begin there. Pattern interrupt. When loneliness rolls in like a crashing ocean wave, this is when you will use your breath to survive the moment. because that wave will pass. But until it does, your breathing is what will get you through it. Let's practice that right now. Here we go. Eyes are still closed, right? Allow your shoulders to relax. If you're clenching your jaw, release it please. Loosen up your hands, loosen up your arms, shake things out a little bit. and I want you to notice your breath again. Just make it normal. Don't change it too much. Please go quiet. No forcing, just notice. Allow your breath to flow with ease and I want you to be right there with it. Notice the rise of your chest. the gentle movement of your belly. the air moving in. the air moving out. And let's do this for about a minute and a half. Try not to let your mind wander to tasks or memories or whatever a mind likes to do. I just want you to notice your breathing. And if your mind wanders away... gently encourage it to come back to the breath. All right, so here we go together. Welcome back. That quiet breathing with your awareness on each inhale and each slow exhale will get you through these surprise lonely pity parties as I like to call them. Okay, I promised you three affirmations, let's do those. Now, you might not remember these when the time comes to using them, but maybe one of them will come rolling in like a life raft to scoop you up and hold you above the waves. I will say each one of these two times. And I want you to repeat them on on the first repetition. Say it out loud and on your second repetition, allow your heart to whisper it quietly. Between the affirmations, I'll provide some quiet breathing space. Okay, so let's begin. I am worthy of love and connection. even when I choose. to be alone. I am worthy of love and connection. even when I choose to be alone. My worth is not defined by the number of people around me. My word. is not defined by the number of people around me. I am learning to make my own company a place of comfort. I am learning. to make my own company. place of comfort. Well done. And now finally, here's some last words. I promise they really are the last. I want you to know that you are not less because you are sitting at a table by yourself. and you are not less because someone else has a partner and you don't. And you are not less because the room around you is filled with people who appear to be Connected. Let's take a breath in on that. Breathe in. and breathe out. When those loneliness moments come swooping in, this is your cue to pause and remember that you are doing great. You are thriving and thriving is a process that is a lifelong education. Your pattern interrupt practice of breathing, well, focused breathing, will help you feel safe. and held within your own aloneness. And I hope this makes sense. I really do. If not, or if you have more to add from your own experience, please reach out in the comments and let's have a conversation about this because I find that it's really important. I want to thank you. And I want you to thank yourself for being here. and thank yourself for staying. Until we meet again, be gentle with yourself. Namaste.