Irene Kovacs-Donaghy

Lansdale, PA 19446, USA

Sally Forth

Austin, TX 78750, USA

Vicky Brown

Montreal, QC, Canada

Peter

Salt Lake City, UT USA

Sarah 💚🌱💚

Milton Keynes, United Kingdom

Loren 

Arizona, USA

Petor

Michigan, USA

Kenyon Hood

Tucson, AZ, USA

Dianna Morgan

Golden, Colorado

Sonya Harnett

Celbridge, County Kildare, Ireland

Sabrina Meier

Sasha

Glasgow

San Francisco Bay Area, CA, USA

Jason Lindholm

Australia

Alice

Santa Barbara, CA, USA

Loosa Larm

lisarae

Concord, NH

Jules

Diane Lahren

Cass M

Minneapolis, MN, USA

Soften, soothe, and allow difficult emotions by locating them in your body and offering yourself compassion.

Science

Stress & Anxiety

Psychology

Stress

Self-Compassion

Visualization

English

This meditation guides you through the practice of soften, soothe, and allow — a self-compassion technique designed to help you hold difficult emotions with gentleness and care. Rather than pushing emotions away or trying to fix them, you’ll learn to soften around the pain, soothe yourself with kindness, and allow the experience to simply be — exactly as it is. Over time, this approach can reduce emotional reactivity and increase your capacity to respond with balance and compassion.

Working With Emotions In The Body: Soften, Soothe, Allow

 This meditation is called Soften Soothe and Allow and will take about 15 minutes to complete. It's designed for dealing with really difficult disturbing emotions and so if you're feeling something very difficult right now, this would be a good meditation for you. If you are feeling peaceful and happy, you might want to choose another meditation. Alright, so I'm going to ring the bell at the beginning and close the meditation. So before I do so, please make sure you're seated in a comfortable position, either on a chair or on a cushion. Make sure your back is upright yet relaxed and that your head is relaxed as well, tilted slightly downward. Alright so let's start by taking a few deep breaths to let out the tension that you're experiencing right now. So in and out three times. Let your breath return to normal. Just noticing how your breath feels as it comes into and leaves your body. Noticing where you feel the breath most strongly, is it at your nostrils, your lungs, your abdomen? Just take a few moments to be aware of your breath, to feel your breath as you inhale and exhale. Now I'd like you to think of the circumstance or situation that's causing you a lot of emotional upset right now. It may be something you're feeling about yourself, something you don't like or some mistake you've made. Or it could be just a situation that's very difficult to deal with right now. So choose one circumstance that's very difficult to deal with right now. And remind yourself of the details involved and try not to get lost too much in a storyline but just get in touch with what it is that's troubling you and how you feel about it. And so what we're going to be doing is working with the emotions in the body itself, seeing if we can bring some soothing and comfort to the painfulness of the emotion by focusing our attention on the body. So I'd like you to try to become aware of what emotions are attached to this painful circumstance. There's probably more than one, so maybe just labeling them. Anger, disappointment, grief, fear. What's coming up for you right now? And then choose the emotion that you feel most strongly. What's the predominant difficult emotion associated with your circumstance? Now see if you can tell where you feel that emotion in your body. Is it a gripping in the throat, a heaviness behind the eyes, a clenching of your gut? See if you can notice what part of the body is physically manifesting the emotion most strongly. And see if you can describe to yourself the sensations, tight, hot, tingling, numb, cold. Just describe it in your mind. Now because this is by definition a painful emotion, we naturally want to resist it, to tighten up against it, to make it go away. But unfortunately this just makes it all the more painful. So the first thing I'd like you to do is be aware of the emotion in the body and try to soften around it. See if you can relax a little bit of the feeling of tension or pressure. Just soften. If the emotion is very intense you may want to focus your awareness on the edges of the emotion. Just kind of soften around the boundaries or borders of the emotion. Noticing that you have maybe a pool of water that you've let down the sides so it's not so tightly contained so the water can just kind of pour out naturally. Just softening around the sensation. But then recognizing, validating how hard it is to be feeling this. Every single one of us constantly feels really difficult, painful emotions. We need to be able to comfort ourselves for the pain of living this human life. So what I'd like you to do is take your hand and just gently touch the place where you're feeling the emotion. Let your touch be soft, caring, maybe caress the spot a little bit. And as you gently touch that spot, try to soothe the difficult emotion. Just telling yourself that you recognize how hard it is to feel this way. If it feels comfortable you might even say something like, poor darling I'm so sorry it's so hard for you right now. Remember that you are allowed to feel this. This is your natural reaction. You aren't choosing to feel this. This is what's happening. Just soothe and comfort yourself for the fact that this is hard right now to be feeling this. And then see if you can just allow the sensation of the emotion to be there. You're safe right now at this moment. There's no danger your body is experiencing an emotion. See if you can just allow it to be there as it is. Don't try to make it go away. But also notice, does it change at all? Is it sensation moving or shifting or changing quality? So what I'd like you to do for the next few minutes is if the same emotion is still very strong and predominant or perhaps a new emotion is arising that becomes more strong and predominant, just repeat the same three steps. Locating the sensation in your body. Softening around the edges of the sensation so there's not so much tightness or constriction. Soothing yourself and your body for the difficulty of what you're feeling right now with lots of tender compassion. And then just allowing the sensation, the feeling, the emotion to be there. It's okay. You're safe right now. If your mind gets pulled away into thinking about the situation or circumstance, that's okay. It's only natural. But gently try to bring your awareness back to the actual sensations of the emotion in your body. Very tangibly. And if any feelings of peace arise or comfort, see if you can be aware of and be with those emotions as well. And if it's still very difficult, then stay with the pain with the three techniques of soften, soothe, and allow. If you feel your mind starting to drift, or if you feel you're starting to tune out again, just try to refresh in your mind the source of the pain and get in touch with the feelings in your body. Soften, soothe, and allow. There. And now drop the focus on this particular emotion or sensation. And let your awareness feel your entire body. Just feeling the entire pulsating energetic sensation of your body. From head to toe. All the movement that's there. The pulsating of life. Just let your awareness rest in your physical presence. And then put your hand gently over your heart. Just get in touch with whatever feelings of tenderness, kindness, concern, compassion for what you're going through. Remembering that we're all imperfect. That life is imperfect. And that if we can open to that, we can be happy and peaceful even in the face of suffering. Thank you.